From the Director Monique Gordon-Ellis: When Sandy moved to Toni’s House, she was struggling with grief from losing her husband. I was concerned about her will to live. She was married to the same man for over 20 years, and it was obvious she missed him. I was fearful she wouldn’t fight, because she didn’t have a purpose for living. It’s been exciting to watch Sandy smile and get excited to start a 12 step book study, volunteering her time serving the homeless and being a support system to the younger girls. We call Sandy “Momma”, and momma is what she’s been to many of the girls. Sandy makes our house a home, like Cliff Butcher, she’s our Women’s House bedrock.

In Sandy’s Words: My name is Sandy Dillman and I’m a recovering addict of narcotics and painkillers. Unlike many of my housemates, I didn’t have the luxury of going through an intensive treatment program. I’m an alumni of Westcare Dextox, which is a short term 3 day detoxing process. I struggled when I lost the love of my life. My husband was the only family I had. I watched him slowly die of cancer, and when he finally succumbed to his disease, a part of me died with him. I don’t have words for the pain I felt losing my soul mate. Part of me wanted to give up, I felt I had nothing to live for.

I had some hard knocks after my husband’s death. Even though I receive a retirement check, I ended up living in a rundown sober living home. The conditions were deplorable, which helped spiral me into a deeper depression. I bounced around to a few other places until my very good friend LaShonda Bussie rescued me on July 5, 2011. She said she had a new place for me to live. I was worried, because I was out of money. LaShonda told me not to worry and assured me I was going to be okay. It was her calmness and assurance that gave me a sense of security.

She drove me to a house she was the manager of at the time; Toni’s House. As soon as I walked through the door I knew I was finally home. I say this because the home I shared with my husband before he died we lost in a fire along with our automobiles and all our personal belongings. I lost a big part of my life in that fire. A couple months later I lost my other half. My husband died of colon cancer on June10th 2010. It was the death of my husband that forced me to decide what I was going to do with the rest of my life. This wasn’t an easy decision to make especially since I was still using and I was struggling to get over the grief and being a widow and hard of hearing.

With all the obstacles I had to deal with, I’ve been able to overcome all my struggles by praying to my God as I understand him. I do a daily meditation and a prayer asking my God to maintain my sobriety and to change my life of old habits, old thinking patterns that were acquired by my active addiction. Because of Monique (Director of Toni’s House) offering me a home I’m forever grateful to Toni’s House. My new home has provided me with having friends and a family. I have a lot of friends within the recovery circles. They help support and guide me through working the 12 steps of recovery. I feel my husband is watching over me like an Angel.

When I first moved to Toni’s House I struggled to make it because of the grief. I didn’t know how to be comfortable with Sandy at 60 and how to get comfortable with myself and to overcome coping without any drugs to help kill the pain. Today I might add I’m in a good place and I’m learning to love myself and others. I feel I’m in a position to share my situation at Toni’s House. I want to share my experiences and strengths in hopes that sharing my story may help others find a new life in recovery and like me get saved from drugs and alcohol.

Today I’m enjoying knitting and writing about my struggles and what I’ve been through. I’m trying to get some of my writings published. I crochet a blanket for all the girls in the house when they reach their 1 year sober birthday. Today I’m living one day at a time and loving it. Please visit the Toni’s House Blog to read some of my stories. My most current is “Relief from Grief”. I love my new home and more importantly, I love helping save others from the jail of addiction.

Sincerely,

Sandy Dillman